Gone, Now, If Only
by bangelluvforever
Summary: [POST 3X22 - SPOILERS CONTAINED] Gone were their quiet moments, their pillow talks, their hopes, their dreams...and was the engagement ring he presented her with. Now were the times of lonely and cold nights, no hopes, no dreams, no family, no love, no reason to live..If only she could go back to the "gone days" and forget about the "now days", if only, if only... xMIKITAx


**Author's Note:** Hey guys! I had to write this especially after the Season finale tonight, and then I heard a story in Lonestar's "I'm Already There" (Tribute to the Troops) that have family members of the Armed Forces telling their stories and that, and I heard this one comment and had to post it and do this story. The comment was: _"This morning I had a dream about him and I rolled over in bed, and I was so excited to tell him. And then I opened my eyes and he wasn't there..."_

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**Gone, Now, If Only**

**By Jess LA**

"_I love you"_

"_I love you too, so much and our beautiful children, and of course our crazy but amazing family," he told her as they both stood on a deck and looked out on the sandy beach as four children ran around in the sand with two women and three men looking after them. _

"_We have a pretty amazing family," she agreed with a smile as she turned in his embrace to stare up into her husband's beautiful green eyes._

"_We do," he agreed with a smile, "but that doesn't even come close to my amazingly, beautiful wife." _

_Smiling with tears in her chocolate orbs, she brought her lips up to his to share a passionate kiss that was only interrupted by squeals of their children, wanting them to come play. Sharing a smile, they both had a glint in their eyes as they ran from the porch to join in the game of tag with their family..._

"Mmm, Michael" she mumbled as she rolled over in bed and stretched out her tanned and toned arm, only to find nothing, or no one in arms length. Reluctantly, she opened her brown orbs and was hit with reality...

Gone were the days and nights where she would dream about their future, gone were the moments she roll over in bed and wake up to the peaceful and beautiful face of her lover. Gone was her constants, her family, the days that nobody but her close circle new her name, her face. Gone were the times she would look to the side of her, and see a familiar face reassuring her, giving her strength, and a sense of family. Even more so gone were the nights, she would go home and share a warm and loving house with the man of her dreams, gone were their quiet moments, their pillow talks, their hopes, their dreams...and was the engagement ring he presented her with.

Now were the days and nights where she would have nightmares about getting caught and being put back on death roll, and this time receiving it. Now where the moments that she would roll over in bed, only to pull out her favorite glock and sit up at the sound of any noise, ready to shoot now and ask questions later. Now everyone was hunting her, now she stayed holed up in ratty hotels and abandoned and cold warehouses. Now her hopes and dreams were of simple things, find her enemy, kill her enemy, keep her family safe, stay under the radar, finally be able to identify herself from the person she wants to be and the person people made her out to be, and last but not least to vanish for the last time because now were the times of lonely and cold nights, no hopes, no dreams, no family, no love, no reason to live...

If only she could go back to the "gone days" and forget about the "now days", if only, if only...

_**Wish I was in your arms**_

_**Lyin' right there beside you**_

_**But I know that I'll be in your dreams tonight**_

_**And I'll gently kiss your lips**_

_**Touch you with my fingertips**_

_**So turn out the light and close your eyes**_

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**Well guys, what do you think about this drabble? I hope you guys liked it, I'm not sure I liked it but oh well. Guys, I was just wondering, was I the only one to cry when I thought they killed off Michael, or that they were going to kill of Amanda? Was I the only one that was shocked about the President actually being alive? Did anyone else like me bawl at the end of the finale when Nikita snuck out, left her engagement ring, and through her phone out the window all the while in tears and Michael close to them too? **

**Oh boy, guys I'm gonna bawl again! **

**Always,**

**Jessica**

**P.S. Nikita-verse we have one "Last Mission" and this mission is to get Nikita a full 22 episodes for the last season, Season 04. And how we do that is easy: I want everyone to go to Youtube and find a video called "Last Mission – Whatever It Takes" by NikitaSeason4. Come on guys, lets give Nikita that final big blow out it deserves, especially from it's devoted fans and the amazing cast, crew, and writers. **


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